Next month will mark one year since we entered lockdown here in the UK. This past year has been such a toll sometimes I wonder how we are all getting through with it. My emotions and mindset have been up and down, while we have been in lockdown, but they have also been non-existent at times. This sounds strange but it’s when you just don’t feel anything, you have no motivation to do anything at all. It was during this time I really felt the pressure of lockdown. Being away from family, friends and even being too scared to go out. I put on weight, I lost my interest in everything and I just didn’t really feel anything at all.
Around Christmas time I released this had to change. I needed to change. This is actually hard because let’s face it everyone hates change. I set myself a goal, well actually two. One was to lose the extra weight I put on during lockdown and the second was to change my mindset so that I could be happy with what I have right now.
Each of these had another goal but I wanted to set an achievable goal. The second goal was harder than the first, but the first goal helped me with the motivation to achieve my second goal.
When I lost the extra weight, I put on during lockdown I noticed a difference in myself, not as how I look but more how much I wanted to do things. I felt happier. I started to pick up my interests again but still a lot of things lagged behind. But I didn’t want to pick up those things straight away I wanted to do it in small steps.
So, I set a third goal, which was to lose more weight so that some of my old clothes fit me and my fourth goal was to post pictures of myself more (for someone who hates selfies and hates the way she looks in photos this was hard). Even if these goals sound materialist only you know what matters to you. I learnt I needed to let go of setting goals that sound good to other people and do what I wanted to do.
I ended up doing both and I felt great. It’s led me to pick up more things but the one thing I realised I had to do was change my mindset completely. I am still trying to lose weight and that will always continue. I am now picking up things I let slide, like writing in my gratitude journal, picking up my planning interest again and read self-love books.
Even though I set myself goals it was because I wanted to change that I did.
It’s always going to be an ongoing process.
I have learnt a lot about myself, I learnt I judged too much, I learnt that I don’t care if people don’t like my opinions, I learnt that there is a lot of negativity in the world and nothing will change unless you want it too. I also learnt that my happiness isn’t necessarily what someone else would call their happiness and that’s okay too. I’ve stopped living for anyone else’s approval or having to say the standard correct thing. I am living for me, not you.
I am on a journey to find myself, to love myself but more importantly just find peace and happiness in who I am. And that is the hardest goal of all.